The People Who Think Mark Zuckerberg Is Hot (There Are Two) Explain Why
At least two people living in this crazy world think that Zuck is sexy. They told me everything I wanted to know, and more.
Mark Zuckerberg is so many things: a Harvard dropout, a billionaire many times over, someone who potentially bears responsibility for at least one genocide, a totally meta CEO, and a person who has allegedly killed a goat with a “laser gun.” Something Mark Zuckerberg is not, in my not so humble opinion, is a sexy man. It’s not just that his eyes are hollow or that his haircut looks like some demented SuperCuts shit. What makes Zuck truly un-hot is his spirit, like an android living inside a human body.
I lived blissfully under the assumption that everyone except for Priscilla Chan was with me on the whole “Zuck is not hot” thing until earlier this week, when I dropped a Photoshopped image of Mark Zuckerberg in a group chat. I got the typical response from one person (“lmao goddamnit eve”) but another friend, who I’ll call Josephine, had a truly shocking response. She wrote, “hot,” and later replied to an image of Zuckerberg looking at his Metaverse avatar with, “I want to peg that.”
It might not be the most popular opinion, but Josephine is not the only one who thinks Mark Zuckerberg is sexy. A cursory Twitter search yielded tweets along the lines of “mark zuckerberg is hot, you guys are just pussies,” “mark zuckerberg is a taurus… no wonder i’m so attracted to him!!!” and “Yes I’d have sex with mark zuckerberg but I HATE HATE HATE Jeff bezos. I do have some morals.”
In 2016, Yourtango published an article headlined, “10 Reasons Why Mark Zuckerberg Is The Sexiest Man ALIVE.” Arguments for the Facebook founder and CEO’s supreme sexiness included:
- There is nothing more attractive than a guy who loves kids, and Zuck totally adores baby Max
- He’s a hands-on kind of dude — as evidenced by his self-effacing willingness…