Getting Sober Was the Easy Part

Reflecting on five years without a drink.

Photo by Nareeta Martin on Unsplash

From my teen years up until five years ago today, when I quit booze, being drunk was my personality. I was a party monster, a bar rat, loud and reckless and proudly messy because I thought it made me interesting, a craft beer enthusiast, a wannabe social butterfly who never went a day without a drink and could never stop at just one. (Why drink a glass of wine when you could drink the whole bottle?)

I drank because I hated myself and, for a while, booze shielded me from those deep-seated feelings. I drank because I was unbearably lonely. I drank because I have crippling social anxiety and being drunk allowed me to cosplay as someone who was more sure of herself, someone who could be described as charismatic. Telling you about my former self seems strange, since it feels like it’s been maybe not five years but more like 238,000 centuries since I was that person.

“How did you stop drinking?” is a question I get a lot from people who are looking to hop on the wagon and/or simply curious. My answer is unsatisfying because it is by no means universal and it is uncomfortable because it involves a lot of oversharing. Like many alcoholics, I had to hit “rock bottom.” Cliché, I know, but as someone whose number one favorite thing to do was to get drunk, I needed to experience…