Fruit, Ranked

A definitive assessment of the best fruits.

6 min readMay 6, 2022

Everyone is aware of the health benefits that come with eating vegetables — it’s an activity children are classically implored to do — but it feels like everyone is always forgetting about fruit. Fruit deserves all the attention that vegetables get, and maybe even a little bit more. After all, fruit is sweet, yet healthy. Fruit is beautiful. Fruit is fun — there are so many different varieties and trying new ones can be a real adventure. Fruit, I tell ya, is a criminally underrated food group.

In light of these facts, I have decided to utilize the power of my platform to raise fruit awareness by providing a definitive ranking of the best fruits.

I’ve previously written about the psychological benefits of ranking things, how it can teach you new things about your identity as a consumer and make you feel more like a real human being. “In the hunter-gatherer days, I imagine, the ability to evaluate where to find the best berries and which berries to avoid (i.e. rating things) was life or death,” I wrote last year. “Society may have progressed way past that, but the need to evaluate is still fundamental to being human, which is why I spend so much grading movies and figuring out the best oat milk, and why you should probably be doing that too.”

Before we delve into this important work, let’s talk methodology. I’ve evaluated each fruit based on flavor and texture, of course. Consistency is also important to take into account, since fruit can be wildly inconsistent. (For example, a good peach can be a total delight, but nine out of ten times, the peach you bite into is going to let you down.)

Another aspect of fruit consumption I’ve considered is its maneuverability: how hard do you have to work to eat it? And because I’m a mere mortal, I can’t help but consider appearance just a little bit. Fruit is so handsome and vibrant: its beauty enriches the experience of consuming it.

So without further ado, here are the top ten fruits: