Fruit, Ranked

A definitive assessment of the best fruits.

Paintings by Eve Peyser

Everyone is aware of the health benefits that come with eating vegetables — it’s an activity children are classically implored to do — but it feels like everyone is always forgetting about fruit. Fruit deserves all the attention that vegetables get, and maybe even a little bit more. After all, fruit is sweet, yet healthy. Fruit is beautiful. Fruit is fun — there are so many different varieties and trying new ones can be a real adventure. Fruit, I tell ya, is a criminally underrated food group.

In light of these facts, I have decided to utilize the power of my platform to raise fruit awareness by providing a definitive ranking of the best fruits.

I’ve previously written about the psychological benefits of ranking things, how it can teach you new things about your identity as a consumer and make you feel more like a real human being. “In the hunter-gatherer days, I imagine, the ability to evaluate where to find the best berries and which berries to avoid (i.e. rating things) was life or death,” I wrote last year. “Society may have progressed way past that, but the need to evaluate is still fundamental to being human, which is why I spend so much grading movies and figuring out the best oat milk, and why you should probably be doing that too.”